And then my world just explodes.

(last week of June)

Into a million beautiful pieces!
Cathy and I lasted 4 weeks. It ended not very classy (I in fact threw her out), but I think we still will be friends. I am happy to be free from her and will still do the things I promised to help her. She was almost gone a few times before, but then in the morning did not leave. She is very lost at the moment. Big problems and she sees no way out. Her mother came to Dar, but doesn't want to take care of Cathy's baby anymore. Her ex is sending her very rude messages, but she is still in love with him. One day we have a fight on Samora avenue, one of the main streets of down town Dar. Cathy actually says, not shouting but loud enough for others to hear: "Hey you white man! Don't play games with me, why do you fuck me and then don't give me what I want!" Hmm, redefining our relationship? Not very nice. Later she apologizes and says 'I was angry'. Yeah, I guess she was! Her mood-changes become more and more extreme. It is like living with a female version of Dr. Jekyll and Dr. Hyde. She had been not drinking for 12 days, but now she is getting drunk a couple of days in a row again. Alcohol is one thing to turn her into Jekyll for sure.
Another highlight this week: her ex, the father of Johnny, is sending me death messages on my e-mail. He has a funny way of showing his love for her.

Fridaynight at the Q-bar. Cathy went to see her mother and Johnny. I am alone. It is not far so I walk. I eat mishkaki with Jennifer. She gave me her phonenumber a week earlier. Totally beautiful girl. I dance with Anna. Totally crazy. When later I dance with someone else, Anna slaps me in the face! I leave alone, walking home, it is 01.30 in the night. There is one very dark street in my route. I get a phone-call (Anna) and take it. As I put my phone back in my pocket, I realize I made a mistake. You're never to take out your phone in a street like this. I see three men coming to me. A car just passes them, putting me in the light. As soon as the car is passed them, they cross the road. I start running but I am half a second too late. One grabs my T-shirt and then they are all over me. I keep struggling and one of them keeps hitting me on my head with a bottle. I don't have any money, just a few thousand, but I don't want to lose my phone. At first I am silent, but I remember that shouting is good. It does help, we are only 50 metres away from a big street. A car puts its lights on us. The one with the bottle breaks it.... that does make me scared. But the others hesitate, one even runs away. I tear loose and run away, but my pockets are already empty. They follow me to the lit street. There I ask for help, the robbers are still close. My neck is tickling and is wet. I run my hand through my neck, it is all red, blood dripping on the ground. The thieves run off and a posse is formed. Off we go, running after them. While we are running I am aware that I am in an unknown neighbourhood, at two o'clock in the night in the company of a bunch of guys I don't know. But then I realize I really have nothing anyone can take from me. So I relax and enjoy the moment. Running in pursuit of a couple of thieves, blood running down my neck, my head pounding. Now, I have been in roller coasters and I have paid a lot of money to jump out of a plane, but this one is for free. And you can't plan or buy it. Naturally the thieves are gone and some of the guys take me to the police to report.
Saturday morning I'm laughing at myself. I'm thinking that if Cathy would have come to the Q-bar (like she said she would after her visit) we would have gone home in a taxi. And if she would have called me to say she wasn't coming home, I probably would have taken a taxi and Jennifer home. Just to think that I could have been here with Jennifer in my bed, instead of being alone and beaten up makes me laugh at this unique experience. After all I can call Jennifer any time I want, but this could only have happened at this particular moment. It again shows that this whole world of us is just made of bad communication.

I sent Janeth a message. It's the end of June and I promissed I would contact her then to see where we stand. I tell her I still feel the same for her, but that she apparently made another choice. She calls me and wants to meet! We make a date for Sunday. But Saturday evening, after being attacked the night before, and after that last bad fight with Cathy, I decide to call Janeth and ask her to come over. I tell her I feel really bad and need a friend. It takes her a while to get drunk enough to actually come to my house, but then there she is! She doesn't look too good to be honest. She again gained some weight, is wearing high heeled fur boots and khaki 'hot'pants. Her drunkenness shows and the tin of beer in her hand completes the picture. On the bed her conversation changes slowly from 'I want to go home' to 'don't sleep'. Somewhere in between I think we 'decided' to have a child together!?
We talk too. So I hear how she was lonely and alone and was swept away by Peter. He was very quick to give her a ring and, soon after that, to present himself to the family. According Janeth he paid for her as seems to be the tradition in her tribe. Although it does cross my mind to just 'buy' her free, I let it go and don't react on it. Instead I stick to what I have told her many times before: to be with someone can only be a positive, free choice and should not depend on family, money or promisses. She makes some confessions to me as well. She had called me her 'nyege' a few times before, and now she makes it clear that that part of our relationship is indeed true. I am happy to know that the fysical sensation is mutual. She tells me more interesting things about the last months, but denies them again the next day when she is sober.
In the morning he calls her. She puts her finger on her lips to ask me to be silent. They talk for a long time. He is cross examining her and she is lying every word. I especially liked the moment when she goes to the toilet and flushes. He hears that of course and comments on it. She has told him she is in her own house. They both seem unaware of the fact that in Janeth's house there is no flush-toilet.
While they still are talking, Cathy calls me! (Oh god... is this anohter episode of that really bad soap?). Unlike Janeth I tell Cathy the truth. (Later this appears to be a mistake, I never realized she really did fall in love with me.)
After the call Janeth asks me if I am jealous. She wants me to be jealous! But in fact I am not. I feel quite ok with this new situation. I really enjoy talking to her, now that she is opening up more. We'll see what happens next.

Later that day Cathy comes to my house, while Janeth is still there. They talk for some time, most of it I don't understand.
Again later Cathy calls me to say she wants to come. It's 7 o'clock so I tell her to come and have dinner together. It's almost ten when she is there. She is high on something and starts saying horrible things to me. She denies being high or drunk and just keeps going on and on insulting me. She is quite agressive but it is only talk. I stay calm and ask her a few times to leave and come back tomorrow to talk. There is no stopping her, on and on she goes. After a full hour of abuse she suddenly hides her face in her hands and starts laughing. Says 'Sorry Jeroen, I'm lying, I drank a bottle (200ml) of Konyagi'. In an instant Jekyll is gone and Hyde is back. She breaks down and starts crying like a little girl. She is completely panicking. She is afraid of the future. She really doesn't want to go back to find men in the Q-bar to pay for her. Living in a guesthouse plus taking care of her baby financially, she needs more money than she can earn in a normal job. She sees no way out of her misery and is begging me to help her.

This has been an exciting week. But why worry? Today is the 2th of July and I have exactly 19.000 Tsh (€ 11,35) in my pocket and € 5,29 in my bankaccount. And today, the 2th of July, after 19 long months, my house in the Netherlands is finally sold!
"Don't you worry 'bout a thing. Every little thing is gonna be alright" (Bob Marley).